SILENT LAMBS

THEN AND NOW TRUTHS

I am all about Africa and it's glorious history, the rise and fall of our it, things that the movies don't show, events that the media don't report about when it comes to our continent. I then had my interests in ANGOLA and I thought something marvellous should be known about this country situated between Namibia,  Botswana, Zambia and the DRC. To my surprise all I found about this country was heartbreaking and sickening,  I cried bitterly deep inside and my body lost its strength, all I could feel was the kind of hatred I would feel twards a murderer or a thief.  I wanted to get on my knees and ask Jehovah why would he sit on his throne from heaven above and watch my brothers and sisters from Angola to suffer without end. Then I realised that it is not Jehovah's fault that Angola is barren but the foolishness of a greedy selfish wicked human being who thought was superior than any other race in that country and trust me my mates, Angola eeds unadulterated salvation.

BEGINING OF PANGS

Many of you just like myself thought that the name Angola was a name given by its residents; the truth is it wasn't. Just like many countries in Africa Angola too was named by the Portuguese who invaded (YES I SAID IT) invaded the country in 1575. No one knows what that country was called by its residents.  There is a well known proverbial saying " strip off the name and no one will know who you are", that is exactly what Portugal did to Angola STRIPPED OFF ITS NAME.
There is only one reason why the Europeans would invade Africa and that reason is resources. Angola had and still has its naturalresources such as petroleum in the Cabinda enclave, Diamonds in Luanda, Iron,  Phosphate, Bauxite, Uranium, Copper, Gold and Oil. Angola was one the wealthiest countriesand its sons and daughters were culturally wealthy too but overnight Angola the great fell. There was slave trade in Angola too, some slaves were transported to Brazil and the Caribbean and mostly to Europe and America,  these brothers and sisters of Angola were traded for arms,  yes my friends ARMS,  how sad it is to have your life traded for an AK47 or revolver that is SATANIC INDEED. Slavery went on for years in that country and finally it stopped BUT the trade was no longer international but national. The Portuguese  made the people work as slaves in mines, plantations and harbours to make them rich and mind you this was when the Portuguese conquered tribalism and placing a governmental structure in the country.
The importance of clan as a factor in the construction of identity is disappearing rapidly. Although the small Khoisan-speaking minority is not discriminated against by law, its position is extremely difficult and these people are marginalized in many respects. The closely interlinked political, military and economic elites may be seen as a distinct cultural group. The elites have a number of common characteristics but remain strongly divided and have profoundly different histories. Angola gasped for its freedom and finally gave it up for a lifetime.

THE CARCASSES UNDER THE CELESTIAL LIGHTS

Over half of the population is unemployed, and it is estimated that 70 percent of the people live below the poverty line. Hunger is a threat in many areas. As the usual economic activities are impossible in many regions, local food habits are hardly distinguishable. Coastal people include much seafood in their die and The farming sector has been neglected by the government and te war has made agriculture impossible in many areas. This is the degraded beloved neighbouring country of ours. Tribalism was substituted by European governance so that all of the resources are kept by the Portuguese the people are still slaves and will be slaves till Jesus himself gets inaugurated. No media reports about the country and every single one of the government officials in Angola are greedy and sell outs. CRY THE BELOVED ANGOLA.

Evryone is glorifying the illusion of Hollywood,  everyone is reporting about Jacob Zuma and his crooked ways,  everyone is weeping for the economy but no one and I mean no one is weeping for Angola,  no president is trying to intervene to build Angola. It seems to me that the hand of the elite has won and they own Angola and its precious natural resources

BEARING THE HATRED OF MY PARENT

The Uneasiness of being dark skin toned

I was once a young girl who never worried about the colour of her skin, i never cared about the world's system of beauty all i wanted to do was to focus on being a child. My mother on the other hand did care about the system of this world when it comes to beauty. She used to come outside and call me while playing with my friends to check if i hadn't messed up my clothes or had sand on my long Afro plaited hair. My siblings and i knew that if i had sand on my hair or dirt on my clothes a rod would be put on me followed by a bath and a lecture about BEING A LADY OF HIGHER STANDARDS.
I was slowly growing up and i noticed that my mother and siblings were very light skin toned and that started to bother me day in and day out. My mother preached the importance of being light skin toned to her children. She would often say "stay out of the sun" , "Drink lots of water", "use these clinically approved skin lightening products to bring life to our tone. My mother's hatred towards dark skin pigmentation showed in all of her children but I was the most controlled because I was the least light and vulnerable.

Stripped Off By Apartheid

 My mother was born in the heart of BLACK DEVALUATION AND SLAVERY. She witness the cruelty of black people collectively. But what she really noticed was that light skin toned slaves were treated favourably whereas dark skin toned slaves were treated like monkeys. She was in a favorable position because of her light skin (since she is after all half black and half white), that on its own made my mother to be more determined to look lighter than she already was. My mother worked in a factory in Umtata In the Transkei and she had no trouble with the Dutch because she was light skinned, she had better pay because she was light skinned, she got accepted to a medical school without any doubt because she was light skinned, she was treated better by her school mates and lectures because she was light skinned and that led my mother to never say who she was and the history of her people. She distanced herself from her family members who were not light skin toned like she was. Over the years my mother's perceptions changed, little did she know that her psychological prison of being light skin would result in the death of self love and appreciation. Yes it is true that in South Africa coloured people were treated better than black people and that if you were born light skinned in your family, you had better chances of success an better treatment by the European class. My mother and many others too were the victims of self hatred because SKIN COLOUR MATTERS.

In War With The Demon Of Colour

I didn't experience European cruelty personally because i was protected from it but as to the effects of it thereof, I certainly did. I grew afraid everyday and my fear was being told by my mother that I am dark and ugly. I sought for ways to prevent my skin from produce melanin, one way or the other I refused to be dark. My friends in school would never believe that i am a mixed race because i wouldn't look like one, Boys would not see my beauty due to being covered in this dark pigment, I would not go to Europe to study Astronautics because the people in that country would not see me as a human being, I did not want to be associated with people who are darker skinned let alone hug them.
 I dated dark skinned guys because it made me look and feel superior. I would make an excuse for not going outside when sunny and I would lie about my skin conditions just to get hold of skin lightening ointments and pills. The prescribed ointment and pills worked but for a moment and I didn't care about the side affects as long as I get what I want. There more lighter I got the more my mother favoured me, I became her favourite and what was even better is that people believed me when I said I am a coloured. Truth be told I didn't understand why I thought lighter was better, I didn't understand why I hated myself for being dark, WHY, WHY, WHY. Then it dawned on me that i am fighting a battle my mother lost during apartheid, am fighting against the demon of self hatred, in this so called free country I am still a slave to the master of colour.

It Will Never Be Better

Today I am a grown woman in a sense that I know better and I have accepted the colour of my skin, but just like my mother I am in constant fear of being less lighter. Everywhere I turn and everything I see and hear still favours light skinned women, how so you ask, well I will tell you-a song sung by our black communities that says "ngwana o thswana le le khalati"(meaning our child looks like a coloured) so if you not light skinned like a coloured then you are not a beautiful bride, every eye shadow and lipstick suits you if you lighter but if you darker then you have to be selective of the kind of colour you have for makeup, if you are light skinned you can dye your hair blonde, red, purple or pink but if you darker skinned then all of these coloures are not suitable for you. Nikki Minaj, Li'l Kim, Beyonce, Mshoza, Kelly Khumalo and many others knows exactly how it feels to be a prisoner of beauty all in the name of being light skinned and adored by the world.
I am a work in progress and only God can help me love myself again, the burden of conforming to a "YELLOW BONE"society is suicidal to self love and acceptance. I don't blame my mother nor do i hate her for what she passed on to me and my siblings

THIS IS MY GENERATIONAL CURSE, OBSESSIVENESS WITH LIGHT SKIN